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The great monologue hunt of 2015

For someone who has acted for as long as I have, it's somewhat ridiculous how hard it is to find a great monologue.

It doesn't matter if it's film or from a play, when someone asks me to find a monologue my mind just goes blank. I can usually suggest something for someone else, but myself - nope.

So, here's what I've got after a few days of searching.

Joy from Happiness. A dark and twisted comedy taking a hard look at suburbia gone wrong. This is actually one of the lighter moments of the film. Trish is talking to her sister, Joy. I'm highlighting the parts I think I'd use.

Joy: I'm so happy. Trish: You are? Joy: Yeah. Being around you and the kids and you know, Kooki. (indicating the family's dog in the corner) Trish: You really are? Oh, honey, I'm so happy you're happy. 'Cause all this time I've been thinking you were so miserable. Joy: Oh, Trish. That's too funny, when I couldn't be happier. Trish: You know, it's just with your music career-- Joy: Oh, my career's fine. Trish: Oh, I know. I know, it will be (fine). I just know it. And then you'll move out of mom and dad's. Joy: Real soon. Trish: And you'll meet Mr. Right. Joy: Oh, I will. Already I feel like I'm off to a fresh start. Trish: That's right. Just because you've hit 30 doesn't mean you can't be fresh anymore. You know Joy, I've never told you this before...but now that we're older and...I feel so bonded to you. Well, the truth is...oh, I know this is gonna sound horrible....but I feel like I have to be fully open with you, and get beyond all the old barriers, and the sibling nonsense, you know. The truth is I always thought you'd never amount to much. That you would end up alone, without a career or anything. It's what we all thought. Mom, Dad, Helen... everyone. I always prayed we'd all be wrong, but, somehow you always seemed so doomed to failure. But now I see that's not true. There's a glimmer of hope for you after all. Ah, I'm sorry, I'm repeating myself. I'm just really happy for you. (Both sigh and embrace)

And, one of my faves, from Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. My hesitation in this piece is, like, all the, like, likes. So, like, you know?

Romy: Okay, we're working in this advertising agency after college. Yeah, and we have like this big presentation to make to like a client. So, so we're like brainstorming and all of a sudden, we're out of paper clips. And so, okay so then I, I say okay, wouldn't it be great if there was like this like stickum on the back of this paper. So like it, it would just...if I laid it on top of that other paper,it would just stay, you know, like without a paper clip. Oh, so then you've got like this grandfather or this uncle, that has like a, like a paper company or a paper mill, and, and he's like really into it, and the rest is history. Oh my God, it is perfect!

And, third choice, from In & Out. I saw this when it came out and completely forgot about it until I was trolling through monologue sites.

Emily: I lost 75 pounds. I lost 75 pounds! Howard: I'm a horrible person. You have every right to hate me. You should hate me. I insist that you hate me. I'm scum, I'm garbage, I'm vermin and I'm sorry. Emily: You're sorry?! You're sorry?! After I wait for you! No, not just three years! My entire life! After I plan my future around our wedding. After I base my entire concept of self-esteem on the fact that you're willing to marry me! And you're sorry! Thank God my parents are dead, this would have killed 'em!... Are you Howard: Mmm-hmm. Emily: Is there-oh- ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THIS! I'M WEARING A WEDDING DRESS THAT YOU PICKED OUT! I highlighted my hair because you said I needed shimmer. I loved you and believed you and pretended not to notice the Streisand thing. I thought you were just creative and I thought you were just smarter than me and more sensitive and more interesting. I just thought you were the most wonderful man that ever lived. I thought you could just change my life and show me the whole world. And teach me about art and life and magic and I thought you could make me feel like a beautiful woman instead of the girl nobody wanted.

Please help me pick one! I don't want to start memorizing until I'm sure I've gotten the best thing for me. I'd love to read these out loud to you both in class (or before or after class if there's not enough time).


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