Getting Over Myself
I love theatre. I love it a lot. That's why do so much stage acting.
I really dig the deep, immersive rehearsal process. The sense of cameraderie that you get amongst a cast. And the way that each show is it's own thing, a moment in time that will never hapen the same way again. Because the people on stage will never be the same way again, with whatever was going on with their bodies and lives that day. It's pretty fascinating. Like chemistry.
And I think that's what freaks me out about working on camera. Because I do get freaked out about it. There is no, 'every day is a different performance'. You show up, you do multiple takes, the scene gets finished, and then after editing you are frozen in that state for all time. Or at least, for as long as those dvds are circulating the Earth.
That scares me, a little. And part of it is I have major hang ups about watching myself on film. I always have. It just weirds me out. I suppose I have a mental image of what I look and sound like (most people do, I imagine) and watching myself on camera makes me re-evaluate that. Oh boy, is THAT what my face is doing when I do that? To do a Takei...Oh, my.
But, you know, I have to get over that. I won't be able to improve myself if I don't watch the work I've been doing, however painful. And I'm sure the things I'm picking at probably aren't even on anyone else's radar (excluding weird actor-y ticks and bad habits, yeah, I'm becoming aware of those, too).
Mostly I've come to realize from watching my work that I don't have to try so hard. Just feel what I'm feeling, work the action, and all will be well. Relax my voice, ease up my diction (thanks, mom and dad), and actually look at the person I'm talking to.
To help myself with this I've decided to get on camera on my own at least once a week. I have a nice digital camera, why not? I can work with the other actors in my life on short scenes, or just pull up some monologue copy. I can't really coach myself on the quality of my work, but at least I can get used to seeing and hearing myself. So I can get past all my weirdness and get to the bottom of what I should really be concerned about...the craft.